I have not found that the being a mom part of being a mom - ie. the basics of looking after my child - is the hard part of this whole time. It's actually battling all the stuff outside of that. It's primal things, like being anxious about my kids eating, sleeping, and safety, and then feeling misunderstood about how I deal with that anxiety. It's societal things, like what I do with my kid all day, how they are developing, what day care I am going to take them to, what kinds of foods am I feeding them. In short, how well I am doing all the things to keep them happy and healthy, and then some.
When I have moments of clarity and positivity and am able to think clearly, I know in my rational mind that it's simpler than I am making it. But it sometimes feels like I just can't seem to let it be easy. On the car ride home from the mountains yesterday, I was daydreaming out the window and felt like I was asking all the wrong questions. I knew I needed to shift something, so I started typing some notes in my phone. Here's what I wrote:
What is the perspective I need to adopt to bring ease into this experience?
-it doesn't need to be hard, in fact, it's quite simple
-giving myself time is a good thing
-Cooper being happy and healthy is important, how we get there is not as important
-ask for what you need and let yourself be supported (whoa, huge)
-our wellness is the nucleus for the rest - eat well, take rest, move intentionally, be still intentionally, laugh, connect with people
-pour yourself into the experience, don't get caught up in the outcome
How about those for mantras for the rest of 2018!? When the noise falls away, damn my heart knows. But I have to get quiet enough to really hear it. Sometimes that means fighting against some of my natural tendencies. Like when I feel yucky, instead of my usual habit of retreating, I will reach out to someone. Instead of tightening up and trying to control a situation, I will breath and let things go. When I am reacting to something, instead of taking a knee-jerk action, I will get still. This life is not about getting it right, and there is opportunities for learning and growth all the time. And it's also not linear, I have had to learn some hard lessons over and over. I am human after all. To all my friends out there feeling all the feelings, you're doing a great job, and you are not alone.
Onward into the next half of the year, armed with these perspective-shifting reminders. We got this.